right now i have about thirty unfinished projects piled around the house. it's the WORST. i can't seem to focus on one thing anymore. ever. and what happens when i have thirty unfinished project piled around the house? i watch 30 rock on netflix and update my amazon wishlist. i chose to eat an entire pint of häagen-dazs peppermint bark ice cream (where has THAT been all my life???) and watch project runway instead of cleaning up the half assembled halloween gingerbread house i gave up on two hours prior. i'm aware that it's a problem. is this how people live?
bear and i have started seeing this couple every week at the grocery store that is basically the opposite of us in every way. they're both wearing neon spandex and cross trainers (what, did you fucking jog here?) and have nothing but produce in their weird half shopping cart. what is THEIR life like? "hey honey? wanna jog to wegman's without breaking a sweat, grab some kale and flax seeds, and then squat thrust for an hour whilst listening to motivational audio books?" how does THAT happen? i mean, maybe they're pigs and they just like wearing spandex to wegman's? i don't know. but if you're NOT excited that you now have a choice between eggnog and PREMIUM eggnog i don't care to be in your company.
speaking of reasons i should probably get on the waiting list for a heart and possibly liver transplant at some point in the near future, have i mentioned you can get eggnog all year here? or that wawa has a sandwich called "the gobbler" (or lloyd gobbler as some of us would rather it be called) that is hot turkey soaked in gravy, stuffing (or "filling" as people in pennsylvania seem to think it's called), and cranberry sauce on a hoagie roll? or that 24 hours a day these things are available to me? what am i? some kind of monster who can resist both trans AND saturated fats??? yeah right. why don't i just incorporate 30 minutes of vigorous daily activity into my lifestyle while i'm at it?
you know what they don't have here? plum sauce. like, what's the point of chicken fingers if there's no plum sauce??? if you've ever seen me order chicken fingers in canada, sweet land of the flowing plum sauce, you know that i basically ask for a soup bowl of plum sauce that happens to come with a few chicken fingers. come on america, you don't have to serve ranch dressing with EVERYTHING. they have "duck sauce" at chinese places that is KIND OF like plum sauce but it's yellow and not delicious. also, i don't think anyone here calls them chicken fingers.
listening to the carpenters and eating the half assembled halloween gingerbread house i gave up on is the best decision i've made all day.
(TWO tambourine players. holy shit.)
love so pauvre
9 comments:
I adore the randomness of this post. Unlike you, I just don't start the projects I know I'm unlikely to finish. So instead of 30 half-finished projects, I have about a hundred unstarted projects.
Put some of that haagen dazs peppermint bark in my care package.
Not that I'm complaining but I too noticed the nog was in the store in mass quantity a couple weeks ago.
Oh honey, I love this post. What frightens me most about the couple that we always see at Wegman's is that there's at least a 40% possibility that the workout gear that they're always wearing in the store is simply how they dress . . . as in they're NOT jogging there or going shopping immediately after the gym . . . they just chose to go out of the house in spandex biking shorts and neon green windbreakers. It's a bizarre world we live in, full of people I want to hit with heavy objects.
I call them chicken fingers...but I've never heard of plum sauce. I like honey mustard on mine! Yummmmmm.
And, I think your life of ignoring tasks to watch 30 rock on Netflix is TOTALLY NORMAL. It's especially hard to focus on one thing when you have a crap ass ton of stuff to do. Also, I am going to try and find that peppermint bark ice cream soon...sounds amazing.
Lloyd Gobbler just wants to be eaten by your daughter, Handy. Sigh. That Lloyd Gobbler sounds much better than the one at Licks near Degrassi. xoxo
Lloyd Gobbler! Hahaha!
i agree with nid, this post is great! yea i often ask tom if he wants to jog around in spandex all day, and poop out green mush all but he won't have it...lazy bastard....i imagine that their lives are very clean and boring and that they don't eat unfinished ginger bread houses whilst listening to the carpenters, "we've only just begun"....HILARIOUS!! i mean just from judging from that, i wouldn't give them another thought. id eat chicken nugs with plum sauce till the sun went down instead of kale, not a huge fan of it unless done right...but question...why are they called chicken fingers when chickens don't have any fingers????? and yes WHY OH WHY does EVERYONE in america LOVE ranch dressing!?!? i hate it, vile sauce...
XO,
CB
I remember watching this show about kids with autism and that liked to wear leotards because it made them feel safe. Maybe the outside world is too scary for those two and they wear spandex to feel safe from all the trans fat. Of course they could just be weirdos who like to show off their junk. I have never heard of plum sauce before so I dont feel your pain however I hate ranch dressing and think it should be outlawed because it looks like puss and smells like a vag thats been sweating it up in spandex all day.
why do people always jog to the grocery store. that's enraging.
i love your posts. thanks for forcing it out of you just for me.
lerve.
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