anniversary adventures part one: i slept on a steamboat

in celebration of our anniversary/one years old, bear secretly planned an overnight adventure at a mystery location! that's just the kind of bear he is. and by the kind of bear he is, i mean the best kind of bear. he didn't tell me anything about where we were going other than "when you see it, you'll know."

when i saw it, i knew.

that's right children, the fulton steamboat inn! over a year ago i casually mentioned the steamboat here on so pauvre and bear has had it bookmarked ever since. who does that??? bear, that's who. now please excuse me while i run around screaming and taking pictures of everything with an anchor on it:

i like anchors ok? jeez.

although the steamboat inn is not in any way a steamboat, it's steamboat THEMED which is probably better than a real steamboat because there is little to no chance of it hitting an iceberg in the north atlantic. and yes, that would be an actual concern for me on any form of boat in any body of water.

ANYWHO... look at our beautiful room! it even had an electric fireplace that we couldn't figure out how to operate, so it was a thousand degrees in there at all times. bear loved the fireplace until i turned all the lights off and then it suddenly became "the flames of satan's realm". did i mention we had no idea know how to turn the fireplace off? i mean, i tried smashing it on the mantle and that didn't work, so it was obviously broken.

where the magic happens.

ambient romance or the gates of hell? we'll never know for sure.

apparently the third floor was "first class" (a.k.a. first on the lifeboats in the event of any unpleasant iceberg situations). reasons first class is awesome: 1. we got 25% off at the gift shop and a FREE souvenir glass to treasure for life and 2. no one under 16 is allowed on that floor! that's right families - it's nothing but steerage for you.

we really hate families.

our room had a cute little balcony that overlooked an expanse of pennsylvania dutch amish countryside... and also outlet malls. lancaster is weird.

so weird.

this duck pond is the closest thing to open water the steamboat inn has ever seen. the ducks that inhabit said pond have unsettling quacks that sound like they're laughing at you in a fashion that suggests mockery. i didn't care for those ducks.

rude.

"gazebo? more like ga-ZOINKS-bo!" (literally the only reason i'm in that gazebo.)

one of my favourite things ever is paintings of things that you can put your face in. i'm pretty sure that's the technical term. i guess this one is supposed to be huck finn themed or something. the grangerfords? fuck knows, just stick your face in the hole and don't ask questions.

what i do know is that i'm really wearing the shit out of that bonnet.

no idea.

my sunglasses (and face) didn't fit in this clearly child-sized face hole. the result is a facial expression that pretty much sums up how i feel about most things.

uncomfortable and confused.

we had such a cozy/hilarious time that i wish that we could have just lived in the steamboat forever. believe me, i didn't go quietly.

or without making several scenes in the lobby. "can i help you ma'am?"

i miss you already.

stay tuned for anniversary adventures part two: intercourse (seriously.)
love so pauvre