unfortunately for me (and you) the average age of people i interact with at work is like 98 years old.
why it's the worst:
let's start with the obvious - they are an ever present reminder that YOU will one day be old. aging terrifies me. i don't want my skin to be see-through. i don't want to be shaped like an upside down letter U. i don't want to be mistaken for a zombie when seen via the peripheral vision of an innocent sales associate. (that literally happened today.)
honest mistake.
death. literally everyone they know is dead. and all day, every day i get to hear about it. a lot of old people have a shockingly casual attitude about the whole deal and talk about their own deaths in passing like it's a dentist appointment. funerals simply become the new annoying thing you don't want to go to. they are the bridal/baby showers of the aged.
modern life. they don't understand it and they don't want to understand it.
cheques. or "checks" in america. (see what i have to deal with???) anywho... old people try to pay for things with cheques. IN STORES. i can barely deal with how long it takes for the person in front of me to swipe their debit card, so to witness someone in a store writing a cheque for NOT rent makes me want to tear my eyes out of my face.
cash. if they don't have a cheque, you better believe they have cash. and by "cash" i mean a two dollar bill and pennies. i spend most of my day waiting for old people to "get rid of some of this change." some will painfully claw at the insides of their change receptacle trying to determine if what they just pulled out is a dime or a penny and others will just hold out a hand-full of change and expect me to take what i need. i average a bottle of pocketbac every hour.
the bank and the post office. to my knowledge there are two things you can't do online: mail a package and exchange your money into foreign currency. so when i have to wait in line for a year because every fucking old person in the valley needs to buy a single stamp or PAY A BILL??? let's just say it takes me like two days to recover from that level of anger. i will literally order you a year supply of stamps and enroll you in automatic bill pay ON MY FUCKING PHONE while we stand in this god forsaken line.
department stores. old people only understand department stores. i however, have never understood buying my clothing where i buy my table saws... or buying anything in any store since the invention of the internet. old people can't get enough. bras in BOXES guys! buy two, get one! even playtex!!! terrible.
general disgust with me specifically. the old ladies at my store hate me. maybe it's my exclusive use of sarcasm when interacting with them? or my assumption that they are in fact zombies? i can't be sure.
i need a vacation.
sorry old people. (no i'm not. you're horrible.)
love so pauvre
6 comments:
I have a confession- I hate old people too! (Love my grandmas of course, just not other peoples grandmas)
They are so fucking slow. And stuffy. And always count change to the PENNY. bah!!!
Just another thing we have in common as cousins!
<3
Dude - you make me laugh out loud. What annoys me is when there is a million pensioners at the post office when I go, I can only go between 12-2 because I work full time. They could go ANYTIME - yet they always go when its the MOST busy, GAH!!
Why on Earth would the aged not carry cash? When the Stock Market crashes again like it did in 1929, which they had to live through, our debit cards and modern conveniences will be rendered useless. Then only the old, with their shoe boxes full of crumbled five dollar bills, war bonds, and buffalo nickels that they've kept under their bed since the early 40's will be the only buying power left in the world. Granted it'll also mean an end to cheques . . . but there will be a marked increase in change, as the Susan B. Anthony dollar will rise to prominence once again.
My personal complaint about old people: They come from an age where they were taught not to question ANYTHING. EVER. So when you dare to take a moment to suggest a change or shake up a standard method of doing something that isn't working, or you dare to forge your own identity instead of trying not to emulate Charles Lindbergh or JFK . . . they treat you like the antichrist. It's like . . . I'm sorry . . . I'm trying to make life better for me and my loved ones . . . cause . . . you know . . . we'll still actually be here in 15 years.
this post was hilarious and everything is so true just so true. why is it that they ALWAY have cash! it is just so crazy!!!!!! bear's answer is awesome! and again so true. oh man this post was one of my favorites. i too get angered by old people, there is this one old lady and she may not even be that old but she comes in here and tells me her story of her redoing her condo and it is the same story every time and you know what.... I COULD GIVE A FLYING FUCK!!!!!!!!!!! aaawwww so maddening...and then she starts whispering and you don't know if she is talking to you still...
thank you for this reminder that we are all gonna be old and wrinkly one day. as my co-worker says she isn't gonna live past 60! ha!
xo,
cb
Yeah old people can be a drag but I love zombies....i guess I dont love them but I do enjoying anything involving zombies...so yeah, thats enough of that.
Last Friday I went to the grocery store and got stuck behind an old lady who was trying to pay with a check and the cashier had never processed a check before so she had to get the manager and I could switch lines because I had already put my stuff on the belt thingy. So horrible. I think events like that are why they dont sell guns at grocery stores.
Funny thing is, I think you're going to make one hell of a wicked-cool old person. :D
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