Monday, May 7, 2012


on friday i spent $302 at the optometrist because just fucking shoot me in the face.

as you know, my body is trying to kill me - both physically and financially - and obviously my eyes are no exception. i've written about my ocular instability before, and it just keeps getting more hilarious. and of course by "more hilarious" i mean "i'm basically blind".

blurry optometrist: "can you see what's on the screen?"

me: "a black shape?"

blurry optometrist: "it's a large letter C."


blurry optometrist: "most people with astigmatism have either vertical or horizontal astigmatism. yours is diagonal, or what we call 'oblique'."

oblique. story of my life people. story. of. my. life.

fuck eyes.
love so pauvre


Chris C. said...

You know I only go for the oblique girls.

Nid said...

You have what we in the biz call...marbles for eyes.

cb said...

what diagonal! you poor thing! what does that even mean! and why $300!!! did you also get a message and a foot rub, damn! im so sorry sweetie! so do you need glasses then? do you have to wear them all the time? would you get contacts? who needs eyes!!!!!!!

Katharine said...

I'm sorry about your eyes...not sure what happened there - but they are beautiful!
Thank goodness for my favourite son in law!!!!!

Amber said...

oh man, that blows. Kevin has really bad eyes too and his glasses cost at least 400 bucks cause his prescription is so strong. Maybe it would be cheaper to get a seeing eye dog?

KristiMcMurry said...

Ugh that sucks! I've been lucky so far and not had vision troubles, but both my parents have glasses in their old age, so I'm sure it will happen eventually. (and by old age, I mean 50)

punch said...

i fucking love george michael. and that's pretty much how i am at eye exams.

dude, maybe you can get a refund on your body? it's like... lemony but not in the delicious way.

i love you!

p.s. haha, marbles for eyes.
p.s.s. i second the seeing eye dog.

Suburban Hypocrite said...

I'm sorry darling. I wish we could trade off eyeballs, like, every few weeks or so, so you could get a break and I could get glasses.

Trees said...

I agree - fuck eyes!! Bastards!!! (I spend over $1000 at the optician this year - I may be slightly bitter....)

Carolyn said...

I think of that scene every time I get an eye exam!